Personal Bests Newsletter March, 2005
Techniques For Living An Effective Life
A free e-newsletter provided to you by Personal Best Consulting and Leif H. Smith, Psy.D.
This issue is made up of the following sections:
- Personal Effectiveness Tips
- Questions for Growth
- Reality Check
- Personal Effectiveness Tips
- Try to become less dependent upon today's technology. You can prove to yourself that technology, though helpful, has increased society's anxiety levels more than ever before. Spend a day without using your cell phone. Don't check your personal emails for a day. Leave your Blackberry at home. Your anxiety will temporarily increase, but this will be offset by the sobering realization that you have become the dog that chases it's own tail.
- In relationships, act on evidence rather than on assumptions about character. Sometimes people don't intend to hurt us, or be late for meetings, and sometimes they merely forget to call. Try not to assume that it was deliberate and personal, and you'll feel much better.
- When making any significant choice, use the following diagram to help you quickly measure risks versus rewards:
- High reward + low risk=definitely do
- High reward + high risk=maybe do
- Low reward + low risk= only do as a last resort
- Low reward + high risk= do not do
- In times of acute stress, here are some guidelines for better coping:
- structure your time so as to reduce alone time
- talk-to friends, family, partner, spouse
- remember that your reactions are normal, though the stressful situation may not be
- work out-sweat out your stress like there's no tomorrow
- eat well-don't skip meals, which will affect your blood sugar levels
- Spend less time trying to prove to others that you are right (in conversations) and try instead to spend more time listening and understanding others' point of view. You'll be amazed at how much you can learn when you stop talking!
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- Questions for Growth
- When was the last time you sat down and actually planned out your week? What stops you from doing that?
- How many times have you intentionally gone out of your way to help someone in 2005?
- Name one action that you haven't taken that could profoundly change your life?
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- Reality Check
The March Reality Check speaks to the lack of relationship skills in society today. While I understand that my understanding of people and my comprehension of why people act the way they do increases with age, I still maintain that most people have absolutely no clue how to have enriching and satisfying relationships. In fact, there are psychological theories that trace most cases of severe mental illness back to a lack of quality relationships in an individual's life. I don't entirely disagree with these theories.
The evidence is everywhere. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Even more couples stay married while living in separate rooms and sleeping in separate beds. Road rage is actually a societal concern. Society as a whole is more stressed and angry than ever before. Common news headlines include parents attacking Little League coaches, celebrities marrying and divorcing within one year's time, and so on.
What we need is a paradigm change. This change has to center around the notion that relationships are the central aspect of our existence as humans (rather than peripheral), and that these relationships can exist as mutually beneficial entities. Given proper care, all relationships can last and thrive.
How does this affect your life? Look at the quality of life you lead currently, and compare it to the quality of relationships you desire. Usually, there is a discrepancy. The solution is to actively manage your relationships. Be proactive about pursuing and enriching those relationships that are dearest to you. Set aside your own ego and pride and reconnect with those friends and family members with whom your relationship has deteriorated. You'll find that your life will become more fulfilling, you'll feel more empowered and supported, and you'll be better able to pursue your life priorities.
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