1. Be deliberate but bold in everything you do. Listen well, then speak. Plan effectively, then pounce and take action.

2. As if we need a reminder, life is fleeting. Keep your perspective about you while others are losing theirs, and you'll be less stressed. How to do that? Focus on what's going well in your life, and how lucky you are. No matter our life situations, we all have lucky stars that we are indebted to.

3. How hard you work will go a long way toward how successful you become. Most people spend far too much time searching for the easy way out of situations and problems. Stop training yourself to be averse to rolling up your sleeves and getting dirty. You're tougher than you think.

4. Success leaves clues, as does failure. All you have to do is open your eyes and pay attention. Or, clean your glasses.

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Three new titles I'm working through this coming month, and one I'm reviewing for the umpteenth time:

1. Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex, by Mary Roach

2. My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey, by Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D

3. You: The Owners Manual, by Michael Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet Oz, M.D.

4. Value Investing Made Easy, by Janet Lowe

One of the peculiar aspects I've noticed about therapists, psychologists, and counselors in general is that many of us feel entirely uncomfortable expressing displeasure or anger. We know how to be supportive, but we don't equate giving our clients a well-timed kick in the pants as being helpful. Perhaps it's our training, since I don't recall taking any classes in graduate school on what to say when your clients are full of bologna, or when your clients are obviously hiding behind excuses. Or perhaps it's our nature.

I believe this issue pertains to most people, not just those in the helping professions. For some reason, we as a society are averse to being honest with those we care about, especially when we believe they may react poorly. Thus, we remain silent and say nothing, believing it better to avoid making waves. And life moves ahead.

I have a problem with this way of “doing business” with those we care about, and here's why: By not offering honest, genuine well-meaning opinions, we enable a victim mentality and helplessness in those we care about. The subtle meaning behind not giving honest feedback is that we don't think the other person can handle it. They'll get angry. Or defensive. And all will be lost.

If you think back to some of your greatest learning moments (or, as one of my late high school teachers referred to as “moments of transcendence”), I bet some of them started out as instances where someone you thought highly of gave you unsettling feedback. Personally, those I let closest to me are those that “give it to me straight.” Sure it can hurt, but I'd prefer to know what my personal blind spots are prior to unleashing myself on the public. The hurt, much like a bruise, goes away with time. The growth doesn't.

It's with that in mind-the concept of tough love-that I adjust my style professionally. At times, the greatest value I can provide to clients is to tell them what nobody else in their life is willing to tell them, and in a manner that nobody else is willing to pursue. In your life, evaluate both your ability to receive feedback and to give genuine opinions to those you care about. You'll grow tremendously, and your friends and colleagues will thank you.

It just might take a while for them to adjust.

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